It's New Year's Eve. And frankly, I get very nervous and stressed every NYE. It all started 3 years ago when my siblings and I decided to go out of the house to spend NYE because we always used to just spend it at home. Which was fine, except it's insanely boring because it's all the same people I see everyday and we stuff our faces and pretend to be excited. We were always jealous of the New Year's Eve celebrations we watch on TV so we decided to go to one. And it was alright. I like to remember it as extremely fun but it was just as boring as it would've been at home except...... we weren't at home.

Christmas Eve was fun though because some of my cousins came and spent it with us. We all did some insane in the membrane awkward dancing and exploding grapes on the forehead games spontaneously but now for some reason, none of my friends and or other relatives have other plans. I wonder why.

Anyway, so my grandmother (laly) is really sentimental about the holidays but I really wish I could spend New Year's Eve with friends. But none of my friends have parties and what not at least none that I know of. I think I watch too much movies and tv shows. So there's about 7 hours left till the countdown and I'm stressing out because we don't have any reservation to any restaurant yet but my family seems to think that the place we're going to won't be crowded. I hate that.

So now I just wish tonight would be over with and then I can get back to the normal way of life. I love Christmas but now I don't get why New Year's is supposed to be so special. I guess I'm just expecting tonight is going to be really boring so I wouldn't be disappointed, although still in the back of my head I'm sort of hoping that something exciting would happen. I'm still pretty sure it'll be boring.

And I really hate knowing that my friends were together and they had a lot of fun with out me... I hate missing out on stuff. Although I am getting used to that...

Wow, I'm so pissy. What a way to face the New Year.

But seryasly, what's so special about it.

Guess who got a ukulele for her 18th birthday?

Yeahp. I did.

I realized it's been ages since I last updated my journal. That's cuz I started a secret blog since there's been an increase of my dA watchers who I actually know in real life. But I've only just posted two useless blogs on it.

I'm currently in Da Nang Vietnam.

It was my first time to ever ride a plane coming here and I must say it was quite thrilling. The take off especially, it was like a roller coaster that went on longer and the sky just absolutely fascinates me.

I've had an awesome time here, helping out at Bread Of Life which is a Western restaurant run by Kathleen and Bob Huff with an all deaf crew. I learned some sign language and catered to a party of this expat which made me realize I want to marry an expat. We also went to an orphanage and played with the kids there, except I was paranoid cuz some of the kids had pink eye. Then I played my ukulele and sang with the music team for Sunday Worship that was awesome for more reasons than one... hint hint. LOL.

I wouldn't say I've had my satisfying filling of Vietnamese food because the spring rolls I've been craving are not available in Da Nang, they're all the way over in Ha Noi.So I guess I have to wait til I get to the Philippines to have some. Haha, ironic. But I have had enough noodles. Yes, I'm pretty sure I've had my fill of noodles.


Today's my last full day here, I leave tomorrow at 11 am.I've been here for 7 days now and it's been awesome. But I am feeling a bit under the weather because the first three days we were here it was really cold and wet, and now it's sunny and warm. I really like it here though, but I think I'm pretty much ready to go home. Maybe it's just cause I don't feel well and I miss sleeping in. Since I got here I haven't woken up later than 9 am. Back home I never woke up before 9 am.

I am at the Brewer residences right now. The Brewers are an amazing family from Kentucky but they've been staying here for about a year and a half in Da Nang. FIVE GIRLS all under 11. It's pretty crazy but I love them all to death, I spent the night here and they're all doing their school work. I'm actually supposed to be doing mine too but I don't feel well and I can't access my assignments with this computer.

Things I've learned while in Vietnam:

1. Marry an expat.

uh that's about it.
Lmao.

I want a ukelele for my birthday...




Yes, this is a whole chapter.

The super typhoon never came, at least not in Metro Manila. Although floods still haven't receded in some parts, the storm not coming was just insane relief to everyone. But the are threats of another one coming.. It's weird how it's coming in October, and even if we only have wet & dry season, being a tropical country and all, October usually is pretty cold and just windy and dry. Especially last year, i think we had the best weather at the end of last year and the beginning of this year. It was really cold and windy and crisp. People said it was because the snow in China was melting, and i thought that was pretty cool. It's like, we're in a whole different world, I'm in the Philippines and they're in China, but the things happening there can affect things here. And physically i can feel the effect. Something like that.

I've been having flashbacks a lot lately. Flashbacks to three years ago, sophomore year. That was around the time I first joined DeviantArt and I do believe that year was quite awesome. I wrote a lot of poems and read a lot of books back then. I also took a lot of nice photos back then. Now I haven't been doing most of them anymore and I really want to again! I also had awesome haircuts. This past year I've learned how to be so random and sarcastic so much that it's sort of all I've been doing. Except, when I write on my DeviantArt journal. And it's funny because I used to WISH that I was more random and sarcastic. At first I forced it, until I became an expert. Sort of. Ah, but I did get an awesome haircut.

My brother, I have come to know is living with my granma in our old house. And even if I've totally forgotten about him screaming at me, I still don't want to talk about it with people. Especially my mother. I've actually gotten used to him not being home, It's actually a lot more peaceful. Except my mum gets on my nerves every single day, but I love her. She's just getting old.
I dunno why but I don't feel like talking to my mother. Probably because if I start talking to her she'll bring up the topic of my brother, and I really don't want to talk about it. I miss him sometimes, yeah sure, but like, I reeeally don't want to think about it. Really, drama and me, not good.

I just watched FAME, and holy macaroni and cheese I absolutely loved it. Because if you knew me, singing is just my insane passion. INSANE okay? I cannot even explain to you how much I absolutely love music. This movie just gave me goosebumps countless of times and made me cry! These past few days I've also been having this itch to dance again. Yeah, again. And this is my secret, I used to be a ballerina when I was a kid. And I was really good, until I had to stop cuz we didn't have money. And then I started again, but I just didn't want to start from scratch. And I kind of do feel bad, but then ballet dancers have insane dedication, they practice everyday and I dunno if I can do that and not sing. I don't think I can ever stop singing. It's most depressing, a week without singing is just torture. And by singing I mean in front of a crowd. (Just last week, I recorded myself singing and posted it on YouTube but I took it off eventually.) Oh yeah, FAME. WOW.

One day, I shall be a cool famous singer making people happy.

It's the eve of the said date of when the super typhoon arrives. It's been raining and it's dark outside. People of Manila are in fear. They still haven't recovered from the past one. It's only been a week. Some floods still haven't receded. I've been in denial, sort of. I called it optimism. And I still am. News say that it's the same level as Hurricane Katrina. I really don't know what to think. I'm pretty sure this is all a test of faith. This whole week, I've been one encouraging people and telling off those pessimistic ones. Right now, I'm still feeling hopeful. Although once in a while I feel fear fill my heart a bit but i just whisper a prayer and I feel much better. Being on Facebook and seeing posts and updates only makes me more afraid.

I'm holding on to my faith. It's still possible. And even if it does pour, I will not be shaken because I know God will protect me and my family.

But one thing I can't shake is my brother. My mother finally made him leave the house the other day for permanent, she's making my sister move into his room. It was the final straw and I can't help but feel it was my fault. I pissed him off and he started screaming. These past weeks he's been so ill-tempered, more than ever. He's been disrespecting my mother and treating her like trash and I couldn't take it, I told him off while he got mad at me. Now none of us know where he's been staying. It's been three days.

Now my mother is even more paranoid than ever, I was annoyed at first, now I just feel bad for her. Just this afternoon, because I was quiet she started shouting, looking for me because she thought I left the house. I don't know what's going to happen, I really don't. Right now it seems like nothing's going right. But I know that when things go down then it could only go up.

Right now there's really nothing I can do, I wish I could just make the storm disappear but I can't. All I can do is keep the faith, the hope and the love. When I lose it I am left with nothing, just depression. And I don't want to go through that again.

I find it, ironic how these months I'm just waiting to leave this country so I can start my life in America. But so many things are happening, non even that relate to the legalities of us leaving, that should make me want to leave all the more but I'm not leaving till everything's okay. And I have faith that everything's going to be alright.