I want a ukelele for my birthday...




Yes, this is a whole chapter.

The super typhoon never came, at least not in Metro Manila. Although floods still haven't receded in some parts, the storm not coming was just insane relief to everyone. But the are threats of another one coming.. It's weird how it's coming in October, and even if we only have wet & dry season, being a tropical country and all, October usually is pretty cold and just windy and dry. Especially last year, i think we had the best weather at the end of last year and the beginning of this year. It was really cold and windy and crisp. People said it was because the snow in China was melting, and i thought that was pretty cool. It's like, we're in a whole different world, I'm in the Philippines and they're in China, but the things happening there can affect things here. And physically i can feel the effect. Something like that.

I've been having flashbacks a lot lately. Flashbacks to three years ago, sophomore year. That was around the time I first joined DeviantArt and I do believe that year was quite awesome. I wrote a lot of poems and read a lot of books back then. I also took a lot of nice photos back then. Now I haven't been doing most of them anymore and I really want to again! I also had awesome haircuts. This past year I've learned how to be so random and sarcastic so much that it's sort of all I've been doing. Except, when I write on my DeviantArt journal. And it's funny because I used to WISH that I was more random and sarcastic. At first I forced it, until I became an expert. Sort of. Ah, but I did get an awesome haircut.

My brother, I have come to know is living with my granma in our old house. And even if I've totally forgotten about him screaming at me, I still don't want to talk about it with people. Especially my mother. I've actually gotten used to him not being home, It's actually a lot more peaceful. Except my mum gets on my nerves every single day, but I love her. She's just getting old.
I dunno why but I don't feel like talking to my mother. Probably because if I start talking to her she'll bring up the topic of my brother, and I really don't want to talk about it. I miss him sometimes, yeah sure, but like, I reeeally don't want to think about it. Really, drama and me, not good.

I just watched FAME, and holy macaroni and cheese I absolutely loved it. Because if you knew me, singing is just my insane passion. INSANE okay? I cannot even explain to you how much I absolutely love music. This movie just gave me goosebumps countless of times and made me cry! These past few days I've also been having this itch to dance again. Yeah, again. And this is my secret, I used to be a ballerina when I was a kid. And I was really good, until I had to stop cuz we didn't have money. And then I started again, but I just didn't want to start from scratch. And I kind of do feel bad, but then ballet dancers have insane dedication, they practice everyday and I dunno if I can do that and not sing. I don't think I can ever stop singing. It's most depressing, a week without singing is just torture. And by singing I mean in front of a crowd. (Just last week, I recorded myself singing and posted it on YouTube but I took it off eventually.) Oh yeah, FAME. WOW.

One day, I shall be a cool famous singer making people happy.

It's the eve of the said date of when the super typhoon arrives. It's been raining and it's dark outside. People of Manila are in fear. They still haven't recovered from the past one. It's only been a week. Some floods still haven't receded. I've been in denial, sort of. I called it optimism. And I still am. News say that it's the same level as Hurricane Katrina. I really don't know what to think. I'm pretty sure this is all a test of faith. This whole week, I've been one encouraging people and telling off those pessimistic ones. Right now, I'm still feeling hopeful. Although once in a while I feel fear fill my heart a bit but i just whisper a prayer and I feel much better. Being on Facebook and seeing posts and updates only makes me more afraid.

I'm holding on to my faith. It's still possible. And even if it does pour, I will not be shaken because I know God will protect me and my family.

But one thing I can't shake is my brother. My mother finally made him leave the house the other day for permanent, she's making my sister move into his room. It was the final straw and I can't help but feel it was my fault. I pissed him off and he started screaming. These past weeks he's been so ill-tempered, more than ever. He's been disrespecting my mother and treating her like trash and I couldn't take it, I told him off while he got mad at me. Now none of us know where he's been staying. It's been three days.

Now my mother is even more paranoid than ever, I was annoyed at first, now I just feel bad for her. Just this afternoon, because I was quiet she started shouting, looking for me because she thought I left the house. I don't know what's going to happen, I really don't. Right now it seems like nothing's going right. But I know that when things go down then it could only go up.

Right now there's really nothing I can do, I wish I could just make the storm disappear but I can't. All I can do is keep the faith, the hope and the love. When I lose it I am left with nothing, just depression. And I don't want to go through that again.

I find it, ironic how these months I'm just waiting to leave this country so I can start my life in America. But so many things are happening, non even that relate to the legalities of us leaving, that should make me want to leave all the more but I'm not leaving till everything's okay. And I have faith that everything's going to be alright.

If you haven't yet heard, typhoon Ondoy has poured out a month's amount of rain in a matter of a day. Poured 3 times more rain than hurricane Katrina in a span of one hour. Fortunately, my whole family's safe. But my mum and my brother and me are under the weather and water got into my dad's car but other than that we're all safe. I'm so incredibly blessed that we're safe, i have friends i still can't contact and are in areas where the floods have led them to the roofs of their houses. I really don't understand how this can happen, how can a whole house 2 stories high be under water? How can the roads be flooded cars are submerged? It's so crazy and my heart feels so heavy but I'm just so thankful we didn't go through that.

This whole event, it still hasn't ended.. It all just points me back to Jesus. At this moment, I don't know if any of my friends are dead (hopefully not) but I just leave it all up to Him. If i could, I would fly over to my friends' houses and save them, if i could, I would just let the floods subside. But I'm mere human and God is God.

"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
- Psalm 46:10

Hah! 3000 page views? Thanks you guys!

I miss being active on dA.. I think I'm going to take more photos again and start viewing and faving and watching more..

YAY!

thanks again!

Especially to
David Aka postaldude66
Who i met on (is it iphotograph or teendevs?) one chatroom here on dA and has been such a loyal and UBERLY nice watcher and friend.. THANKS A MILLION..